


they call you cry baby, cry baby (but you don't fucking care)

by williamschofield (orphan_account)



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Suicide, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-20 21:33:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21288497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/williamschofield
Summary: not my son@pjsimmonswhat the fuckor,richie tozier writes a letter
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 42





	they call you cry baby, cry baby (but you don't fucking care)

**Author's Note:**

> this is all bc of tyler so u can blame him!!!! also im sorry if this is bad i wrote this when i was rlly tired
> 
> tw bc of suicide and suicide letter
> 
> title is from cry baby by melanie martinez

_ elli!!! _

@bvckybarnes

dude richie tozier is literally dead and everyone is making jokes about how he’s gay the fucking assholes

_ angela _

@adamlvnches

everyone who’s making jokes about richie tozier’s death deserves to go die in a hole

_ percy _

@theserpentking

he had famous friends???

_ BuzzFeed _

@BuzzFeed

“We are sad to announce the passing of a dear family member.”

_ Buzzfeednews.com _

_ not my son _

@pjsimmons

what the fuck

  
  
  


Bill stared at the paper in his hands, not seeing the handwriting he’s already familiar with again, and instead seeing Richie’s handwriting on the paper.

“Bill? You got the letter, right?”

“Stan’s letter?”

“Yeah, so you got it?”

“I have to call you back.” He ends the phone call as he hears Mike start to speak, shoving his phone in his pocket as he moves over to the couch. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to read this standing up.

_ So, Big Bill, you’re probably wondering why I sent you this. _

_ It’s because I'm killing myself. I know, you’re either like “what the fuck Richie’s dead?” or “what the fuck richie” and I’m just going to answer your questions. To the best of what I think you would be wondering. _

_ Stan didn’t make me want to kill myself. His death had nothing to do with mine. I need you to know that. The only time he was a part of this was when I was thinking about how I might see him. _

_ God, that’s such a weird thing. Do you think Stan would be up there waiting for me? Like, would he be up there waiting to slap the shit out of me or would he be happy in his own Jewish thing? He’s just like “thank god richie isn’t here” or something like that. _

_ Shit, I got distracted. That happened when Eddie died, you know? I saw him die and then I dropped and he was leaning over me, and I wanted to kiss him so badly, and I got distracted and then he died because of me. I guess that’s a part of my death. Eddie. _

_ You’ve known him, Stanley, and me since we were kids, but you were so fucking blind. Stan realized I had a crush on Eddie when we were 14, Bill. 14! And you just kept on a stuttering and having that crush on Beverly. I guess that might have distracted you from me and Eddie. You kept trying to compliment her before she left and Ben would always steal the compliment before you could even get it out.  _

_ I keep getting off topic.  _

_ What I’m trying to tell you so that you will get closure is that I killed myself because I missed Eddie. And, partially Stan and Georgie, but that’s not romantic and I think it would make you feel better if you thought I was doing it for love. That way, you can tell people it was so I could see my lover and instead have to say “Richie wanted to see the motherfucker who secretly loved him but bullied him sometimes and my little brother who was like a little brother to him too.” I feel like that last bit would be a bit too much for you to say. _

_ I don’t know if I’ll have time to write letters to the other. If you don’t get any calls or texts from them about a letter from me soon, just text them and tell them that I love them and this isn't their fault, alright? I’m choosing to do this, and I don’t want them, or YOU, to blame themselves because they had no part in my decision. I love them with all my heart. _

_ And you, Big Bill. You’ve been my friend since kindergarten, and you’ve been the greatest friend. You let me come over and use your shower and wear your clothes, and none of the others would do that. I understand why, of course, but that was such a huge thing to me while you probably didn’t even think twice about it. You’ve always been nice to me (except for that incident with Pennywise) and I just really love you for that. _

_ I love you Bill, and you better fucking remember that. _

_ -Richie Tozier _

Bill just turned over and buried his face into the couch pillow.

* * *

Richie stares at the bridge. The R+E is faint in the wood, but it’s still there, the R in a heart just below it. He feels like Eddie carved that R, because who the fuck would’ve liked him in Derry? Certainly not people that fucking bullied him for being bi, that’s for sure. He can’t ask Eddie if he carved it, since he’s dead, y’know. Killed by Pennywise. Fucker.

He stares at the bridge, in his gray hoodie, and he pulls out the knife, and he starts recarving. He doesn’t stop until it’s deep enough to stay there for a long time, and he looks at the knife in his hands, and the next thing he knows, it’s buried into his chest.

He knew where he was aiming for, so it’s gone in deep, and he chokes on a gasp as he collapses to the ground. The pain is worse than he expected, and tears form in his eyes. They go down his cheeks, and he lets go of the knife finally, dropping his hands to his sides. He feels the paper in his pocket, but he keeps it in there, because he doesn’t want the note to get blown away and nobody know what the fuck happened on the Kissing Bridge that day.

He takes in a breath to say something outloud, and as he does so, he dies.

His eyes lose focus and his hands uncurl, one still resting in the pocket with the piece of paper, and the other resting on the bridge. His glasses slip down, and if someone passed by, they would think he was just a druggie who passed out.

Nobody passes by, though, and his body isn’t discovered until the next day.

The group doesn’t know about it until the next week.

* * *

_ So, uh, I have this note for the public. I don't want this edited at all, and if it is, my friends will know and will tell the world about it. So, anyways, this note is for the public, and I want to say, yeah, I know I killed myself. I know that's super blunt, but it's the truth. I killed myself, and it's because I'm super fucking bisexual. Not really because of that, but because I was in love with a man, and then he got killed, so I killed myself to be with him. _

_ Oh, and since this can't be edited at all: all my jokes weren't mine, I was told to do it or else, and you should buy Bill Denbrough's books because he's a great fucking person, you should be in a building built by Ben Hanscoms company because he's a great guy, you should buy Beverly Marsh's clothing because she's a great guy also, and you should support Mike (I won't reveal his last name) because he's the greatest friend. _

_ Adios _

* * *

"I can't believe him." Beverly says for the fifth time, wiping the tears from her eyes angrily. "How could he?"

"He was in love, Bev."

* * *

Richie's funeral was a simple funeral, simply because four people were at it.

"I know this was a dick move, but I refused to let anyone involved in Richie's stand-up shows come to this. I just had a feeling that he wouldn't want them to be here, with his closest friends grieving over him, and them worrying over how they're gonna make money." Ben blinks when Bill barks out a laugh and Mike snorts, while Beverly giggles. "What?"

"You say that like that isn't what Richie would've wanted." Mike says, and they all grin at each other, before moving closer to the front. 

It's in a small area, and the only people there are them and the priest. He was a friend of Richie's, though, so they let him be the one to do it.

He spoke softly, but loud enough for them to hear, talking about Richie's life, and then he called on Bill, to talk about Richie's childhood.

"You and the others would know more about it than I do." He smiles, and sits down off to the side, to let Bill speak, and he does. He doesn’t stop taking until nearly a hour has passed, and everyone’s smiling at all the memories of Richie’s childhood.

“Th-that’s all I can think of now for his ch-childhood.” He sits down, and the priest thanks him as he moves back into place. The funeral continues on normally, and when it’s time for the coffin to be moved, they’re the ones who stand up to move it into place. 

Thye listen to the man speak for a few more minutes, and then they leave together, because they know if they stay any longer, they’ll cry, and Richie wouldn’t have wanted that.

He would’ve just wanted them to be happy at it.

* * *

_ So, suicide note. _

_ This is supposed to be serious, right? Like, suicide notes are to explain what I’ve done and why I’m doing it and blah blah blah. _

_ I just want to say in this that I killed myself by stabbing myself with the same knife I used to carve the Kissing Bridge. I did it because I miss Eddie and my friends. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. _

_ I want my friends to see this, and I want to tell them I love you. You aren’t my reason for doing this. I love you guys. _

_ -Richie “Trashmouth” Tozier _

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is @stanleyurris peeps


End file.
